VGS Pre-Op Anger

     While I understand that many WLS patients view this procedure as a blessing, I view it as a necessity.  At 30, I'm 6'1, 340, and the weight has climbed and climbed no matter what I have done up until this point. 

     Now, almost a year into the process of jumping through the hoops for the surgery, it is time for the operation.  I was initially scheduled for July 8th, and then I was rescheduled for July 14th.  After spending three days on the pre-op liquid diet, I felt like a death row inmate who had been granted an appeal when I was able to eat normally for three and half additional days.

     From a logical perspective, I understand the vital necessity of having this procedure.  Because I'm at the age I am currently, I have an opportunity to reverse all of the health problems that have become established.  I might even get out of this without the need for plastic surgery, but I am still p***** about the whole scenario.

     I am angry about the huge costs, time, energy, and headache it has taken to the get to this point (two sleep studies, four sleep management appointments, five nutrition visit, six internist visits, three surgeon visits, a psychiatric sign-off, and personal visits with a counselor).  I am also admittedly terrible at being vulnerable, and I am absolutely screaming on the inside because I feel so out-of-control of this situation.

     I want to quit.  I want to stick my head in the sand and forget that this is my truth and my reality.  I want to go back to the way things were before where I could blissfully ignore my food addiction, the one I didn't full appreciate until I was confronted with it head-on when I started the pre-op liquid diet.

     For those of you who have done the work, for those who have forgiven themselves, for those who are excited about the journey, I truly envy you.  Tomorrow it is back to sugar-free jello, sugar-free popsickles, and beef broth; I wish I could make myself be gleeful about this truly amazing opportunity in front of me.

     Sometimes posts just serve the purpose of venting.  I think that a month after my VSG, I will be a lot of happier.  I think it will be worth the sacrifice.  I believe that I will live a longer and healthier life.  If I can just make it to Labor Day without going nuts in the process, then perhaps I too will feel that it was worth it.

Ah Fluff,

I completely understand where you're coming from.  I will admit that I am not angry right now, but I have been.  My RNY is on July 14th as well so we can be surgery buddies, if you like!

Yesterday I was told, by someone I like and respect, that I shouldnt have the surgery because 'it doesn't actually change the behaviors that made you fat.'   Well that's a load of horse **** Im not going through this hell and not changing the behaviors.  Im not saying that it will be easy or that I really WANT to give up sweets and start exercising, but I dont want to be uncomfortable in my own body anymore and after years of issues, this is clearly the best option for me.  I do not go into this lightly and since I'm 2 weeks away from surgery, I have done all the research and found all the answers already. The decision has been made. 

It frustrates me that any other disease (and obesity is classified as a disease) gets immediate treatment, especially something life-threatening.   How is it that we have an answer for our disease and yet we have to jump through hoops and spend THOUSANDS of dollars just to get the opportunity for treatment?! If I had cancer and had years to live still, you wouldnt make me go to a psych or have a damn sleep study. You'd hook me up with the lastest and greatest and send me on my merry way.  I'd have a care team of 6 physicians and an unparalleled support system.  With obesity I have to prove myself worthy of treatment, just like Ive been proving myself worthy or respect and love for my entire obese life.  And just like any good addict, I have a better chance of relapsing because with any addiction you need to support in order to fight off the constant nagging of your drug of choice. 

I wish you the absolute best of luck, Fluff.   I hope that your surgery goes well and that you are able to stay strong and focus on the life ahead of you when you are struggling through your pre-surgery fast. If you need a kind word or just someone with whom you can commiserate, please feel free to email me. I will gladly listen.

Cheers!

I think it's so interesting that we're going to be having surgery on the same day.  I appreciate your kindness, and it seems that you share some of my frustrations (especially concerning the process of getting there to have the surgery).  I also wish you the best of luck.

From my first round of the pre-surgery fast, I will say this:  add an extra spoonful of flavorless gelatin powder to your sugar-free jello; you'll almost feel like you're actually eating something. 

If you had cancer, they wouldn't require a psych eval because there wouldn't be a concern that you dont understand wht you are about to voluntarily do to your body and that you aren't ready to address behaviors that contributed to the cancer.  Apples and oranges. With weight-loss surgery, it is important that you are psychologically ready because if you aren't, your chances of long-term success are much lower and you will have significantly altered your anatomy for nothing.

Lora

Hi Lora,

    Thanks for responding, and I think that what you are saying is absolutely correct with an addendum. 

    I would add that the other reason for the psychiatric evaluation is that insurance companies know that with every hurdle that put in place and with every delay, a person is less likely to have the procedure.  Human beings hate inconvenience, and every obstacle makes it less likely that the insurance company will have to pay.

Hi Fluffy

We are so sorry to hear all you are going through.  May we suggest you post this on the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum (VSG) also to reach out to those that are having the same surgery as you.

Good luck and keep us posted on how you are doing

Thanks Kathy.  :)

I'm going to play devil's advocate here and say a few things that you may not want to hear.  The truth is, they operate on our stomachs, not our brains.  There have been many who get this life saving surgery that are not mentally prepared for the hard work that follows.  We have all heard people say, "Everyone who has weight loss surgery gains the weight back" and there are many who do.  The hoops they make you jump through are to make sure you are mentally prepared.  

The surgery is the easy part.  Facing your food demons and wrangling them into submission is hard work and you will be struggling with those demons for the rest of your life, even after you have surgery.  If you choose to not follow your surgeon's food plan early out from surgery you could develop life threatening complications.  I have watched people literally eat themselves into the grave. So have your WLS team, and insurance company.  If you choose to "blaze your own trail" with a food plan, you risk re-gain and failure.  Those are the facts.  There are rules for a reason.  Doctors and insurance companies want to spend the time and money on people who are ready and willing to do the hard work.

With other diseases, like cancer,  You get diagnosed, get your treatment from the doctor, and you go home to rest.  You are not responsible for choosing the medication, measuring out the chemo, and administering it.  With WLS, your success depends on YOU making the right choices and feeding yourself according to the doctor's plan.  Our doctors make our stomachs smaller.  They tell us how to eat, but WE have to choose to change EVERYTHING we know and feel about food.  A drug addict or alcoholic can walk away from their drug and never use it again.  We still have to eat. We have to make the right choices.  Our doctors will not be standing next to us in the grocery isle.

 I've been on these boards since 2007 and had my first WLS in 1986.  I have seen and heard it ALL.  I have played every game out there with myself to justify eating crappy food.  "I can eat just a little bit.  I have control over my sweet tooth",  "I had a hard day,  I DESERVE this milk shake".  "I don't have time to eat right,  I'll just run through the drive thru". "I can't handle the stress right now.  I'll get back on track when things calm down".  The list of excuses is ENDLESS.  I've used them all.  While I didn't re-gain all my weight from my first WLS, I did have a 50 pound re-gain.  I had revision because of mechanical failure of my VBG, But I was NOT compliant and did cause some of my own problems.  I got a second chance to get it right and faced my food issues head on this time.  I've watched people on these boards fail for YEARS because they refuse to change the way they relate to food.  WLS is not magic.  It is simple a tool to help you get started losing weight.

The "hoops" are there to show us just how serious this surgery is and to make us think things through.  The expense of our having to resort to surgery squarely falls on our shoulders for "sticking our heads in the sand and giving up" and allowing ourselves to eat uncontrollably until we are obese and our lives are in the balance.

It really would be best to get your head in the game today.  It's hard work but, YOU CAN DO THIS!

Great response!!

Hi Rocky513,

     I really appreciate your thoughtful and well-written response; it's nice to have someone with twenty-nine years of experience to freely share about the struggles and triumphs of this process.  There's a lot of good stuff here.  The only thing I'll comment on is that I think that the "hoops" are just as much in place to save the insurance companies money as they are to make sure the patient is the right headspace.

     The thing is, I have followed the advice that I've been given by my team.  I've exceeded what is required by the insurance companies in terms of treatment.  While most people take three months to qualify for this procedure, I took a year and worked on it to make sure that I was serious about it.  I've followed the pre-op diet to the letter (twice now due to a re-scheduling).  I've read the forums and the books.

     I agree with you, I can and am doing this.

     I am simply expressing that this whole situation p***es me off.  I'm angry that I am here in this situation, and rather than stuffing my emotions down, I am choosing to share them in this safe and non-judgemental environment.  My anger (like any emotion) is valid, and sometimes people get uncomfortable when we choose to express it.  I've chosen to use this forum to do so; please don't mistake my venting as fighting the process or abadoning it.  At worst, I'm whining and being curmudgeonly because I resent the fact that I allowed myself into this situation in the first place.

    Thank you for your response and the valuable wisdom that you shared.  Having been through a revision surgery, I can tell that it's very important for you to share your truth and to help other people to avoid some of the issues that you've experienced; that is truly admirable.  I welcome anything else you have to say on the issue.